You don't get to choose the name you're born with, and sometimes you're stuck with a stinker. Whether it's a case of oddball parents, outdated references or just a plain old case of being lost in translation.
Here, 39 people reveal the most absurd and unfortunate names they've heard. Enjoy! And make sure to check out the sources at the bottom for even more cringe.
I work in a social services agency that deals with children. The names I have seen are quite amazing. Along with random variations of names and brands of alcohol, you get some interesting biblical ones too, like the three kids in one family named Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego.
The one that I cringed at the most though was this poor little girl named Erotica. They are not even giving her a chance.
My son's name is Justin, not so bad until you take into consideration he was born about 2 months before Justin Bieber got popular.
My son now wants to change his name to Optimus Prime, and if another person asks me if I named my kid after that egotistical prick I might just let him.
One of my friends is having a baby girl soon, and I kid you not, they're naming her Daenerys.
I once knew a guy in high school whose last name was Sweat... and the poor bastards parents made his first name Richard... That's right... Dick Sweat.
I have an acquaintance who has two kids from a previous marriage. Her ex-husband's name is Shaun, and he really wanted to have a boy to carry his name. The first baby arrived: a girl. He was disappointed but the two of them agreed to name her Shauna.
A couple months pass- uh oh, surprise pregnancy! Fast forward 9 months and they are in the hospital. The baby arrives, but this time it's a boy. Shaun is crying tears of joy. They had not chosen a name yet. The mom is lethargic and totally out of it from just inducing labor and left the naming responsibility to the father.
She still refuses to call her son Shaun.
My high school sweetheart named her kid Otis. I asked if she had given birth to a 70-year-old blues singer.
My actual first name is Jif. People think I'm from New Zealand and I'm saying "Jeff". Thanks, mom and dad.
Twelve years ago we had twin boys. We knew one would be Thomas after my wife's uncle. but struggled to name the second. For about 28 hours he was Baby B. Then we finally settled on Jeremiah. Two days later we introduced them to our pastor and he said "Oh cute Tom and Jerry" I looked at my wife and we were both thinking "Oh we did not just do that." But we left it.
My coworker named her baby "Strawberry Rain", which would be a great name if she gave birth to a bottle of shampoo.
My mother is a hairdresser and she cut a young boys hair this year. His name was Trout, like the fish...
When I was young there was an older gentleman at our church named Harold. He had a sweetheart of a wife named Olive. Unfortunately, their last name was Bonar.
Imagine being a young man in church and trying to pay attention and be good. Then the Preacher announcing that Harry Bonar will lead us in prayer. To this day I don't know why he went by Harry and WTF these parents were thinking.
My parents named me Andrew but it was recorded as Adnrew. Apparently, my mother noticed soon after but didn't actually care. She then lost my birth certificate so I never knew; found out when I got it replaced trying to get my license. I had to file court papers and everything to get it changed, and she thought the whole thing was hilarious. So no, my parents didn't regret anything.
I just heard of a friend of a friend who named their daughter Aero. Their last name is Smith...
I kid you not my brother in law's uncle's name was Dick Hair.
My ex-wife's brother named his daughter Khaleesi... So, I'm gonna go ahead and say "yes" on his behalf...
My parents wanted to name me "Barengaria" pronounced Bear-in-gare-ia. Kinda of like Bear in Diarrhea. They claimed it was a beautiful queens name....Thank God they went their second choice.
I went to high school with a girl whose parents defended her name whenever questions of it came up. She didn't mind the name either though. She was April May June, but we called her Spring.
Six years ago SO & I chose Elsa for our daughter's name. It was unusual and most people misheard us and thought she was Ella, a ubiquitous name itself.
Imagine our horror upon learning there was a new Disney movie/princess with her name. I loathe Disney and princesses. How dare they co-opt my daughter's name?
Though now she says she likes her name because she's 'famous.'
My first-born is Aiden. In my defense, at the time of his birth, I didn't know anyone in real life with the same name, or anyone planning to name their child that. And then, BAM! They all come out of the woodwork. If not Aiden its Brayden, or Jayden, or Hayden, or any other silly consonant stuffed in front of -ayden. They're everywhere! There is no escape!
I love his name for him, as he is a very sweet and gentle little boy that looks every bit like the Aiden I picture upon hearing the name, but I certainly wouldn't pick it again. I may or may not have based it on the creepy kid in The Ring, too, which again fits him perfectly because he has the same gorgeous round, sad eyes. If I could name him something else (something I've honestly considered from time to time) I would probably pick Andrew. I've never met an Andrew I didn't like, and all the ones I know are successful and well adjusted.
My parents were trying to pick out a name when I was a baby. My dad being a farmer, I guess his mind was more agriculturally biased. When my mom was 3 months pregnant they came up with the name Justin Case (first/middle). They thought nothing of it because they were thinking of Justin, a boot company, and Case, an agriculture equipment company, now known as Case International Harvester. That lasted for a good month or so before they realized they named their kid just in case.
My sister-in-law was planning on naming her son either Jack or Jax. She was leaning toward Jax until I said, "Really? Doesn't that sound like the hardcore '90s version of your son?"
She went really quiet and angry for the rest of the day. Later, I heard someone asked her if they were still going to call him Jax and she grumbled, "No, that sounds like a hardcore '90s version of his name."
I worked at a fast food restaurant for my first real job and had a stereotypically Southern guy complete with mustache and mullet turn to his young daughter and say "Whiskey, hon, whadda ya want?"
My brain nearly short-circuited.
My parents are hippies that grew up in the 70's. Thankfully I got away with a reasonable name, Jem (I've seen Jem and the Holograms). My two younger brothers are named Conan and Torald. Our parents have never expressed regret over any of our names though.
My ex and I had a great marriage - until it fell apart 14 years in. Up to that point, the worse thing we ever fought about was baby names and paint colors.
She wanted our first to be Zebulon Zachariah. Not even kidding. We fought and fought about it. She was dead serious and I was completely baffled as to how she thought that was a good idea. I finally talked her into a saner first name and conceded Zachary as a middle name.
The second child she wanted Dartanion. "Little Dart!" She would say. Oh hell no. We fought over this one while she was in labor ON THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL. She wasn't giving up. I won that one too with something not common, but sane at least.
Third child, she was back on the Dartanion train. Fought for 9 solid months. Thank god that one was a girl.
My sister in law encountered a patient and her name was Diarrhea. They pronounced it "Da-RARE-e-ah" but was spelled like diarrhea... Poor girl.
I work in labor and delivery, a teen mom came and named her baby girl Felony. Good luck in the job market kid.
My parents named me Pony Holy. Pony. F-ing. Holy. Do you KNOW how messed up my childhood was?! REALLY. REALLY REALLY.
Their rationale was: "Oh, you were born in the year of the horse, and we wanted you to be a horse of faith and Catholicism." Guess what mum and dad - ponies are not baby horses. And I've slept with multiple partners already.
And yes I have changed my name.
A friend of mine got preggers right after high school. She named her little girl "Vegas Star". Now if that isn't begging for your child to become a stripper or porn star then I just don't know what is.
My name is Baldeep. I'm Indian, Punjabi to be specific. It's pronounced with the 'a' being silent, but you can just imagine the endless possibilities of nicknames.
My surname begins with a "W". My brother had a daughter and named her Jennifer Elizabeth (pretty vanilla, huh?) They got a shit ton of blankets and cups with JEW embroidered, engraved on each piece. We aren't Jewish.
We were going to name our daughter Milena, but then I told my OB/GYN father what our decision was for the name. I kid you not, but he said "That is a terrible name. You will regret it. It is very close to the medical term melena, and that means bloody tarry stools. You don't want me to link her name with poop for her whole life, do you?"
So needless to say, Milena was out.
I was at the grocery store not too long ago, one older lady asked me what was my baby's name, then said her grandson was the same age. I asked her what was his name, she reluctantly said Dolphin but we call him Finn. Poor woman.
Her parent is apparently a fan of Beyonce & the Kardashians. I feel so fucking sorry for that kid.
I wanted something simple, strong and easy to remember. Robert Smith. Straight to the point. When the nurse, or whoever she was, came to my bed in the hospital to record the name that's what I told her.
She asked what the middle name was, I told her, "No middle name." A couple of weeks later when the record of birth arrived it read: "Robert No-Middle-Name Smith."
Freakin humans. How do we even survive?