From a "dying" old man, who was just taking a nap, to a man who thought his penis was falling off, these emergency personnels share the dumbest situations they've ever been dispatched to.
If you're interested to read more from this thread, check out the source at the end of the article.
1/15. Report of a woman drowned in shallow water off the south shore of Long Island.
It was a semi-deflated blow up doll.
2/15. Paramedic here. Dispatched to a man with a groin injury. Arriving on scene, I found a 30-year-old man doubled over in pain, and bleeding quite heavily from his crotch area.
He wanted to see what happened if he put peanut butter on the tip of his penis and let his Rottweiler lick it off. I think he was partaking in some sort of masturbatory thing, and wanted the dog to give him a form of oral.
I controlled the bleeding the best I could, and got his ass to the hospital. He underwent microsurgery to try to save his mangled dick, but I understand that it was unsuccessful.
Also, the part of his penis that was eaten by his peanut butter-loving dog was resting comfortably in his dog's digestive tract. (Dog swallowed a good chunk of his penis).
Can't make this stuff up. Not sure if it was chunky or smooth peanut butter, which was the first question my chief asked me upon returning to headquarters.
3/15. Got called for a child who her grandfather (and legal guardian) was "actively abusing" her. Notes said screaming and crying was heard in the background as well as "don't hit me again" and "he's trying to kill me"
Turns out a 12yr old girl had snuck to go see her 20yr old boyfriend and came back drunk and stoned wreaking of weed and when her grandfather tried to punish her by taking her phone and grounding her she grabbed a knife and tried to stab him. In the process of disarming her he pushed her backwards and into a table knocking a lamp over. It was at that point she grabbed a phone and barricaded herself in a room and called 911.
4/15. I got called for a woman experiencing stomach pain, which she calmly claimed was a 10/10. Must have been quite the trooper since her husband drove her 30 minutes across the county (past the hospital and 2 urgent care centers) to let her mom look at it before calling the wee-woo.
For someone who had been having unprotected sex for seven months she sure was confident she wasn't pregnant. The nurse who had to explain to her the way these things work was right on the corner of amused and pissed.