Humour is subjective and can spring from surprising places. Here are 20 anti-jokes that will kill or be killed.
Anti-joke definition- A type of indirect humor that involves the joke-teller delivering something which is intentionally not funny, or lacking in intrinsic meaning.
[Sources can be found at the end of the article.]
What did the mom say when her son asked for the time?
It's 4:30PM my son.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the chicken lacks any reasoning or decision making capabilities, it seems unlikely that the chicken crossed the road with any particular motivation in mind although we should allow for the possibility that this individual chicken had the necessary intelligence and planning skills to decide that crossing the road was advantageous to itself in its capacity as a free and independent agent acting within a 3-dimensional physical environment with a single linear time dimension whose velocity against which we can cannot influence to any significant degree but yet can be quantized into discrete units of very short duration and is possibly the result of a higher order projection emanating from an unknown source, perhaps a meta-reality where the regular and normal rules of existence simply do not apply, although of course the author freely admits that this is simply a hypothetical and cannot be proven by any ordinary means but nevertheless enjoys the free association of ideas that often accompany such tangential musings upon the nature of existence and whether or not the original chicken in question may or may not be aware on some profound/sub-conscious level that it's own consciousness and/or existence presents itself with fiendish paradoxes far too absurd, far too cosmic in scale to ever be known by any mortal mind, is neither here nor there.
A Rastafarian and a Rabbi are at the bus stop.
The Rastafarian says, "What time is the bus due?"
The Rabbi says, "Should be a few minutes but the service is pretty unreliable these days."
A dyslexic boy walks into a toy store and asks for a "satr wars atcion figuer"
The manager tells him that dyslexia does not cause you to talk in misspelled words, and took the boy to hospital where he was diagnosed with a brain tumour
Guy walks into a bar and half his head is an orange.
Barman: What can i get.. holy cow half your head is an orange!! How did that happen??
Guy: Magic Lamp, rubbed it, three wishes etc etc.
Barman: What in the bejesus were your three wishes, half your head is an orange.
Guy: First Wish - I wished for every woman in the world to love me.
Barman: Right, that is okay. What was your second wish?
Guy: Second Wish - I wished that I was a billionaire.
Barman: What in the hell was your third wish? Half your head is a frickin orange?
Guy: It was a silly wish. I don't wanna say.
Barman: Go on tell me, I'll give you a drink.
Guy: Ok well for my third wish I wished that half my head was an orange.