32 Jokes That Only Intellectual People Will Understand.


These people share the best intellectual jokes they know. Ready to find your inner genius? Keep reading!

1. Helium walks into a bar and the bartender says: "We don't serve noble gases here."

He doesn't react.

- definitelynotdeleted

2. It's from an Onion headline.

'Jurisprudence fetishist gets off on technicality'.
- AntoneFinance

3. A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer stay in a hotel.

The engineer is awakened by a smell and gets up to check it. He finds a fire in the hallway, sees a nearby fire extinguisher and after extinguishing it, goes back to bed.

Later that night, the physicist gets up, again because of the smell of fire. He quickly gets up and sees the fire in the hallway. After calculating air pressure, flame temperature and humidity as well as distance to the fire and projected trajectory, he extinguishes the fire with the least amount of fluid.

At last, the mathematician awakes, only again to find a fire in the hallway. He instantly sees the extinguisher and thinks, "A solution exists!", and heads back into his room.
- Johnsared

4. Two chemists walk into a bar.

The first one says: I'll have some H20.

The second one says i'll have some H2o too please.

And dies.

5. Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"
- shleppenwolf

6. A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer were each asked to establish the volume of a red rubber ball. The physicist immersed the ball in a beaker full of water and measured the volume of the displaced fluid. The mathematician measured the diameter and calculated a triple integral. The engineer looked it up in his Red Rubber Ball Volume Table.
- aiess

7. A golfer invited a minister, a doctor and an engineer to play golf at his club. After a few holes, one guest said "That foursome ahead of us is really slow. They're all over the fairway, they're in the rough, four-putting holes...couldn't we ask to play through?"

The host replied "No, we don't like to do that. Those guys are blind. They have a special pro who helps them line up shots, and our club lets them play free."

The minister said "Why that's marvelous. What courage! I'll ask my congregation to pray for them...maybe we could get a miracle."

The doctor said "Well, maybe I can beat that. I know an opthalmologist who's having good luck with some experimental surgeries...maybe he could help."

The engineer scratched his chin for a moment and said "Couldn't they play at night?"
- shleppenwolf

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