Ever want to get some sweet, sweet revenge on someone who has wronged you? These people tell us how they did it! I'm taking notes.
1. Some asshole at a bar told me that he hated smooth adult-contemporary rock. So, I went to the jukebox and just played "Free-Falling" and "Last Dance with Mary Jane" for an hour
I literally got "Petty" Revenge.
2. I work at subway, and if someone is rude to me, I give them the ends of the tomatoes. haHA!
3. In kindergarten, It was my turn to pick out the book for story time. However, the teacher forgot, and picked the kid next to me instead (I think his name was Dave). So, I screamed a lot and hit Dave in the head with a toy truck, then called the teacher an asshole.
4. My teacher was being a total b*tch so I switched the caps on all the sharpies. I didn't choose the thug life.
5. When I was 10, we had to paint birds for art, I was pretty good at art but a girl copied my exact one, even though we had to do different ones and I was not pleased. So while we were cleaning up paint brushes, (the painted birds were placed nearby), I put her painting in the sink with the tap running, pretended it accidentally fell in there and walked away like nothing happened. I think she got the message.
6. When I was 18 I went out with a guy that was 10 years older. He was still living with his parents, feeding off their estate, but ah well, I fell in love with his eyes; unfortunately got stuck with the whole package. He was unbelievably controlling, over-the-top jealous, and he kept invading my every moment (i.e. found out where I was having dinner with some friends, "showed up by coincidence" to check if there were guys in our company, stayed without being invited).
At some point, I found out by his friends how he bragged that "hey, an 18yo is f*cking me". I let it slide because, well, we were having sex a lot, but my interest levels were getting lower and lower by the day. One night, while in the act, as he was going faster and harder, he slipped and went in my butt. All the way in. Full throttle. It was the scream heard around the world. But after asking if I'm OK (I said no) and waiting 30 seconds, he kept going. In my ass. That was the straw that broke the camel's back.
I spent the next weekend at his place, his parents would come back around Sunday afternoon. Sunday morning, after breakfast and some relaxing time, I put on my sluttiest smile and asked "So, do you want to see how it feels to really be fucked by an 18yo?". He got instantly hard, so I lead him to his parent's bedroom and pushed him on the bed. I gave him my naughtiest look as I was going down on him, and he put up little resistance as I tied his legs to the bed. Handcuffing him on the railing was even easier. And right as I was about to mount him and ride him to oblivion, I stopped, got out of bed, and reached in my overnight bag. Got my eyebrow tweezers out, and got to work.
He wasn't particularly hairy, but there was quite a lot at the base of his penis, as well as his ball sack. For every hair I pulled, I gave him the reason why. It took him a while to realize that the more he swore and cursed at me, the slower I was pulling the hair out. At the final few he was quietly suffering, so I knew he got the point. I got dressed, looked at him lovingly, told him "THAT'S how it feels to be fucked by an 18yo" and left him there for his parents to find.
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